.....got some catching up to do.....
Friday the 28th of July, I went to a poetry reading in Annapolis with Open Mike. I was asked on the spot to be a Featured Poet. This is the second time that this has happened. I am now scheduled to be Featured Poet at Ahh, Coffee on August 25th, and at the Pour House in Westminster the second Saturday in September, in the evening. I wrote three poems while I was at this reading, none of which are ready to post.
What You Know How To Do Well
I am not good at this thing
called life.
I sometimes get a call at quarter to dinner from
a friend I failed to meet at half past lunch.
Was it your birthday? I’m sorry. Your gift
is still at the store.
I’m not so good at Christmas cards. I send
Valentines instead. People’s names escape me
and their faces. Which kids
belong to which in-laws is a battle
that I’ve totally conceded.
The children are patient. I’m not good at
them, either. I don’t do school fundraisers
or PTA. I forget to
feed them. I’m not a good role model.
Watch your language, my husband says.
Kids, I say, don’t say
asshole
in front of your father.
Brownies? Soccer practice? On time?
We’re lucky if we make it there at all.
But if they need to diagram a sentence
make a costume of things
lying around the house for
an event that begins
in half an hour
pinpoint why something is funny
paint a mural
spell ‘ameliorate’
they know I’m their man.
You, there, who can’t even sew on a button
you, there, who admires my ‘creative nature’
you, I bet, can operate a copier
without it jamming
every
single
time.
I can hula-hoop, hopscotch and reach my toes.
I know yoga, fung shui and I-Ching.
Someone else should
balance my checkbook.
I can’t be good at everything.
17 May 2006
Coffee Causes Cancer
The sun
will damage your skin, so
wear sunscreen. Ingredients
in sunscreen can damage
your baby, so read the
label carefully. Sunscreen prevents
your skin absorbing
certain necessary nutrients so
don’t wear sunscreen. The sun will
damage your eyes so
wear sunglasses. Sunshine
raises your seratonin levels but only
when absorbed through
the naked eye and combined
with REM sleep. REM sleep can be achieved with
the aid of melatonin,but
the dreams aren’t sweet or pretty. Melatonin
will give your skin a ruddy, sunburnt look as though
you’d forgotten your sunscreen.
Don’t wear that digital watch. It won’t kill you, it just
looks
so
cheesy.
Don’t microwave the baby’s milk. Don’t stand
too close to the microwave. Don’t microwave food in
plastic containers. Don’t freeze food in plastic
containers. Don’t store food in plastic containers. Don’t
bring that glass out here by the pool; do you want somebody
to cut their foot?
Fish is brain food, so eat more
fish but not too much fish because
too much fish leads to mercury poisoning.
Spicy food gives you heartburn. Eggs contribute to heart
disease. Cholesteral is bad except
not all cholesteral; only the bad cholesteral is bad.
The good cholesteral is good.
Probably we shouldn’t even mention bacon.
Chocolate causes
breakouts but also helps prevent
heart diseas and it raises
seratonin levels which red wine doesn’t though red wine
helps prevent heart disease, so one glass every
night is good unless
you’re an alcoholic, in which case
you mustn’t have one glass, no,
not even one.
Stress is the leading cause of
practically everything, so
don’t be stressed. Have a glass of wine.
Unless you’re an alcoholic. But don’t smoke while you’re
drinking your red wine, unless you’re stressed.
Maybe that cigarette will help you relax while it
gives you lung cancer.
My grandmother once said
If you give up everything you like, you might
live longer
or maybe
it will just seem
like longer.
20 June 2006
Warm Fuzzy
Now that I have children, everywhere
we go I tell them
to bring a sweater just as my
mother told me. When I grew up, I
started to ignore her, just
as you started to ignore
your mother, don’t lie, you did.
In a diner one day, my little son
removed his sweater and
draped it around me so
his mama would not be cold.
He said, Mama, you
should bring a sweater,
too.
June 2006
Brilliant
Bright beam hits
my naked eye and
naked, I blink back
hot wet as the world
swims in liquid
prism. Give me a
moment, for I am
blinded: my son
is in my eyes.
7 July 2006
Friday the 28th of July, I went to a poetry reading in Annapolis with Open Mike. I was asked on the spot to be a Featured Poet. This is the second time that this has happened. I am now scheduled to be Featured Poet at Ahh, Coffee on August 25th, and at the Pour House in Westminster the second Saturday in September, in the evening. I wrote three poems while I was at this reading, none of which are ready to post.
What You Know How To Do Well
I am not good at this thing
called life.
I sometimes get a call at quarter to dinner from
a friend I failed to meet at half past lunch.
Was it your birthday? I’m sorry. Your gift
is still at the store.
I’m not so good at Christmas cards. I send
Valentines instead. People’s names escape me
and their faces. Which kids
belong to which in-laws is a battle
that I’ve totally conceded.
The children are patient. I’m not good at
them, either. I don’t do school fundraisers
or PTA. I forget to
feed them. I’m not a good role model.
Watch your language, my husband says.
Kids, I say, don’t say
asshole
in front of your father.
Brownies? Soccer practice? On time?
We’re lucky if we make it there at all.
But if they need to diagram a sentence
make a costume of things
lying around the house for
an event that begins
in half an hour
pinpoint why something is funny
paint a mural
spell ‘ameliorate’
they know I’m their man.
You, there, who can’t even sew on a button
you, there, who admires my ‘creative nature’
you, I bet, can operate a copier
without it jamming
every
single
time.
I can hula-hoop, hopscotch and reach my toes.
I know yoga, fung shui and I-Ching.
Someone else should
balance my checkbook.
I can’t be good at everything.
17 May 2006
Coffee Causes Cancer
The sun
will damage your skin, so
wear sunscreen. Ingredients
in sunscreen can damage
your baby, so read the
label carefully. Sunscreen prevents
your skin absorbing
certain necessary nutrients so
don’t wear sunscreen. The sun will
damage your eyes so
wear sunglasses. Sunshine
raises your seratonin levels but only
when absorbed through
the naked eye and combined
with REM sleep. REM sleep can be achieved with
the aid of melatonin,but
the dreams aren’t sweet or pretty. Melatonin
will give your skin a ruddy, sunburnt look as though
you’d forgotten your sunscreen.
Don’t wear that digital watch. It won’t kill you, it just
looks
so
cheesy.
Don’t microwave the baby’s milk. Don’t stand
too close to the microwave. Don’t microwave food in
plastic containers. Don’t freeze food in plastic
containers. Don’t store food in plastic containers. Don’t
bring that glass out here by the pool; do you want somebody
to cut their foot?
Fish is brain food, so eat more
fish but not too much fish because
too much fish leads to mercury poisoning.
Spicy food gives you heartburn. Eggs contribute to heart
disease. Cholesteral is bad except
not all cholesteral; only the bad cholesteral is bad.
The good cholesteral is good.
Probably we shouldn’t even mention bacon.
Chocolate causes
breakouts but also helps prevent
heart diseas and it raises
seratonin levels which red wine doesn’t though red wine
helps prevent heart disease, so one glass every
night is good unless
you’re an alcoholic, in which case
you mustn’t have one glass, no,
not even one.
Stress is the leading cause of
practically everything, so
don’t be stressed. Have a glass of wine.
Unless you’re an alcoholic. But don’t smoke while you’re
drinking your red wine, unless you’re stressed.
Maybe that cigarette will help you relax while it
gives you lung cancer.
My grandmother once said
If you give up everything you like, you might
live longer
or maybe
it will just seem
like longer.
20 June 2006
Warm Fuzzy
Now that I have children, everywhere
we go I tell them
to bring a sweater just as my
mother told me. When I grew up, I
started to ignore her, just
as you started to ignore
your mother, don’t lie, you did.
In a diner one day, my little son
removed his sweater and
draped it around me so
his mama would not be cold.
He said, Mama, you
should bring a sweater,
too.
June 2006
Brilliant
Bright beam hits
my naked eye and
naked, I blink back
hot wet as the world
swims in liquid
prism. Give me a
moment, for I am
blinded: my son
is in my eyes.
7 July 2006
